Learning To Love Oneself
by NeoMiniTails
Summary: Jean is on a mission to save a young mutant from themselves however on doing so, she'll have to face her own demons. Inside the world of another's mind, her own fears take material shape, and she would have to learn how to do something she was never taught: to love herself. Giftfic for Darkin. Please enjoy and review.


**Author's Note:** _This is a giftfic for Darkin520 who is an amazing writer. If you haven't read her works, I would suggest reading her stories. __  
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_This is part of RLt's **2014 Spring Event: Spring Gift Exchange!**_

_This is my first time writing in this fandom, and it's a bit uncomfortable, but if others enjoy it, I'll write more in the fandom._

_Please enjoy the rest of the story. And, please review and tell me what you think._

**_A BIG THANK YOU: _**MissScorp, you're totally awesome for taking a look at this prior to my posting. It definitely wouldn't be as cool without you.

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Even after all these years, Jean flashed back to the spring day thirty something years ago, the day her powers awakened. She could remember holding onto the small body of her best friend, a child who'd never grow up and learn of the world around.

Jean held her hand over her chest, clutching the fabric, fear in her eyes. How had she not seen the signs? How could she not see where her own child's behavior was leading? Scott and everyone were bent on telling her that it wasn't her fault, that she had everyone fooled. They claimed that it was _okay _and she _should stop blaming herself._

'_If only, If I could've'_ repeated in her mind like clockwork. The words had always been there, and despite trying to appear strong before everyone, it shook her to the core. Inside, the pain gnashed and clawed at her insides, ripped through her heart, seared through her throat, cutting at the woman she wanted to be. _Annie, what would you say to everyone? Would you try to comfort them like you did me?_

She could still remember being ten years old, holding Annie in her arms, her mind completely connected to her's in her moment of death. '_Please, don't cry, Jean_,' she could still hear her thoughts. _ 'I want to live.'_

Looking up, a lone tear escaped her eyes. She needed to focus on the present._ I couldn't save Annie, but I won't fail you._

_Noizumi, _Jean stared at the empty shell of a teenage girl before her. The same little girl that came to her, asking for help, asking for protection from herself. _Why wouldn't you talk to me? _

She decided to adopt her, believing that if she could stay by her side that she could show her how wonderful life could be. Jean wanted to be more than just a mentor; she wanted to be the loving parent that she lost the day her parents found out that she was a mutant.

"Professor," Scott began to talk, walking past his ex-wife, and continued to say, "Is there a way to get past the shield she put up?"

There was a way, but that would involve killing her. Jean wasn't going to allow that. If she could be helped by the professor, there had to be a way for Noizumi to get help , as well.

The professor looked up at Jean from his wheelchair, and by the look in his eyes, she could tell he understood where she stood on the subject. "I'm afraid not.. at least, not long enough to get her out of the trance without someone getting hurt."

Jean nodded.

Scott looked over at her, his brown eyes worried. "Then I don't think we have any choice but to take the lesser of the two evil choices that we have to pick from." His eyes were like a storm cloud of emotions; she couldn't read him. Even so, she knew what he would say next. "Under normal cir-"

"We're not going to kill her." Jean interjected. The fact that the idea would even be on the table told her that she had known the man even less than she had originally believed before the divorce.

"The professor's idea of putting you in danger is not going to happen."

"Oh, suddenly you care?" she spat back.

"Jean, I..."

"Noizumi doesn't deserve to die because of my weakness..." She looked away. His eyes were too soft, too loving. She began to walk over to Professor Xavier but was stopped by a tug on her wrist.

Turning to her right, she looked at Scott's hand on her wrist. His were hands shaking like a leaf. His eyes were determined, but he was scared, she could tell. " And you do?"

Silence.

The wind picked up and when she looked up, she could see Storm coming down from the sky. "Jean... Cyclops, have you?" She paused, her eyes apparently captivated with the hand on the red-headed woman's wrist.

Jean's eyes widened and uncomfortably, she removed his hand off of her. "N-no, not at all."

Storm's eyes softened, almost apologetic. "Is Ms. Frost here, yet?"

The psychic woman looked over at her ex and scowled. "Well, is she?"

Scott looked towards the darker skinned woman, focusing on her instead of the red-haired woman he'd once called wife . "She's on her way.." He paused and looked at Charles. "She thinks Magneto should be here in case anything goes haywire."

"You mean 'In case, he's interested in_ recruiting_ Noizumi.'"

"Professor X thinks her plan is a workable one." He shot back.

_Get him out of your head. Get him out of your head. He betrayed you, you know that. He wanted a more normal girl, one who doesn't have two different personalities. _

Jean straightened her posture and looked towards the professor, the sound of the automatic wheelchair catching her attention. "The time for us to move is getting shorter and shorter. I'm afraid that if we wait for Ms. Frost and Erik, we may lose our chance to counterattack."

Jean nodded hesitantly. Biting her lip, she looked at Storm and her ex-husband. "If we start the plan now, how much time will we have?"

Charles tilted his head and frowned. She was evidently trying to avoid talking about the actual problem. "Twenty-five minutes if the Gods of Destiny are on our side."

"And if not?"

Charles didn't say a word. He just looked at her with deadly serious eyes. "We'll just make the Gods of Destiny listen to us."

Jean didn't say a word, Even so much as make a move._ Smile, maybe? _Judging by her professor's facial expression, she could tell he'd been reading her mind. Softly, he touched her hand and squeezed it.

"You haven't spoken to them.."

"I told them that it was dangerous."

"But not the specifics?"

Jean shook her head. "Scott and Storm are leery of me doing this mission _even without the specifics_."

"Miss Frost has information on everything."

"I'm just using telepathy, right?"

Almost as if on cue, Emma Frost and Magneto walked into the room. The air between the two women became thin and cold.

Cyclops turned to the large man who'd entered the room, immediately stiffening. His hand flew to the visor, clearly ready to strike. Magneto smiled slightly. "Brethren, is that how you welcome your brother home?" His deep voice echoed through the lab.

Emma walked over to Jean and the professor, her eyes downcast. "Using psychic energy from the outside would be more dangerous than what you'll be doing."

"And what will that be?"

The platinum-blonde haired woman smiled and pointed to her own forehead. "You'll be going into the world inside her mind."

Jean rolled her eyes. "So, a slight transverse of telepathy through her memories... are you trying to win the award for creative ways to be annoying?"

Charles shook his head. "No, you'll be physically transported into the world of her mind..."

Erik watched Jean move her lips as if to say something but nothing came out. With a smile on his lips, he said, "Her ability to destroy and create matter has made the world inside real - an alternate dimension."

Jean looked at Magneto and frowned. "Why are you here?"

"To make sure her world doesn't take over our world."


End file.
